This is the case with me and motherhood, for some reason I think i'm still in shock that there is another person in our family, and that this is my life now.
It's been six weeks on Tuesday and I still wonder who people are talking about when they mention Toby and then realise I have a baby and they are referring to him.
Nobody can really prepare you for how hard it is. Maybe it's a product of my 30 years of independence, maybe it's different for 'young' or 'younger' mothers, but it really bothers me that I just can't pop out to the supermarket, I have to plan it around feeding and changing, and gamble as to whether Toby will be fussy or happy. We went to Jacob and Elle's for tea and Toby cried the whole time, we had to take turns in walking him around the room while he screamed, needless to say we only stayed an hour and rushed back to the car where I burst into tears with "no one will want to be our friends anymore!"
One thing i've realised about myself in the last few weeks is that I really take on board what people say, perhaps a little too much, given that people (and books)...(and the internet) all have different opinions about what is right and what is wrong, especially when it comes to looking after a newborn.
Here are a few moral dilemmas that i've faced:
Dummy or no dummy,
Let him cry or pick him up
Protest cry or emotional cry?
am I psychologically damaging my child or not?
Schedule or no schedule?
Demand feed or routine feed?
Express milk or no express...
100% breast milk only till six months, or it's ok to give him a bottle of formula every now and again.
Over tired vs Wake time Vs is he getting enough sleep?
Under stimulation/over stimulation
Blah blah blah
Seriously i've ended up with no confidence in my own ability to raise my child. Hence the post birth crying sessions I guess.
When you love someone SO much, and they are so little and helpless, it breaks my heart to think I could be doing the wrong thing, and I feel so sorry for our Son, the eldest, the one we are pretty much using as a guinea pig, daily. Try this, try that.
Friday night we watched our stake youth production of Alice the musical. There was a scene where Alice is so disheartened from being big then small, then big again, and not knowing who she is that she sits down and cries, then she becomes small again and ends up swimming around in her pool of tears with a bunch of strange characters. ANYHO, the song she sings as she's swimming around is "I wish I hadn't cried so much." ... Hayden has allocated this as my theme tune and delights in singing and dancing around the house to it. I guess this is a true reflection of the last 6 weeks.
Don't get me wrong, my Toby is an Angel, I only have to feed him once in the night, and we've had plenty of good days. I am truly blessed to have such a happy and contented baby and I'm certainly feeling a lot better since getting over the forceps birth, which led to a Uterus infection which because of the strong antibiotics led to Oral Thrush, and possible Anaemia, which led to sore nipples and Mastitis. They say the first 6 weeks is the hardest right? (who are 'they' anyway? 'They' probably say the first three months is the hardest and then argue and debate about it on the net or in some 'how to raise your newborn' book).
Everyday Hayden and I tell Toby something along these lines:
"We love you very much, we are trying our best, but we are still learning".
I hope he understands.
6 comments:
oh I feel for you. Seriously having a newborn is the hardest thing ever - especially when it's your first. I am NOT a fan of newborns for all the things you mentioned above. I seemed to have my share if colicy/refluxy babies and as much as I loved my boys, I just couldn't wait for them to grow up a little bit so things were easier. It's a stressful time for sure, but definitely worth it. 'They' tell me to 'wait till they're teenagers' and so far I'm loving Jay as a teenager, and I'd much prefer how things are with him now, than as a refluxy screaming newborn :) Hang in there - it DOES get easier and a lot more fun. That's when you start thinking about having another one, and then you're in the newborn stage again and you wonder what the heck you've done! :)
I felt like the first six weeks were the most stressful of my life (first child at age 40.) How are you supposed to know why they're crying? How can 8 little pounds turn your life inside out?
Give yourself a break. Lots of breaks. Ask/accept help. You'll find a rhythm. Brandy new infants are not much fun but you just wait for 3 to 6 month. That's when the fun begins.
AAh Cauliflower it is definitely the hardest thing we will ever do. It's sometimes hard to get your head around it being so hard and so amazing all in the one day - depending on what they are doing. ;) Just go with the advice that you feel good about in your gut, you can listen to everybody's advice but then discard in your head what you dont like and keep what you think will work for you. The whole dummy thing - I just left it open to decide which way I would go. I always bought a dummy and then either tried to use it or it stayed in the packet - the baby would soon let me know if they preferred a dummy or not.
Love ya.
xx
oh dear..... I am NEVER having a baby!!!!!!
Nah, just kidding! I obviously don't have any motherly advice and I can't use the phrase 'I know how you feel' or 'I've been there' because, I haven't.
But I think I will agree with Simone, go with your gut and you'll mostly be right. What works for some people won't work for others, I don't know if there is a 'right' or 'wrong' way to do things.
I'm sorry if you cried after coming to our place, I didn't realise you didn't like Carbonara and chocolate ice-cream, you'll have to come again and we can give you something different :) we will still be your friends, even if your baby cries or doesn't cry, or laughs or doesn't laugh.. but if it poops, well, thats a different story! :)
Enjoy the snuggles, because 'they' say it goes fast!
oh Collette, love ya. I was going to say exactly what Lisa said but put girls instead of boys and Darby instead of Jay!!!! xx Even at number 4 I still blundered my way through it and bawled and got post natal depression. But we love em! xx Chelsea
Your post reminded me so much of the first few month with Will. I was an emotional wreck and so hard on myself.
What you're feeling is pretty normal and I know you're doing a phenomenal job. It's so evident how much you love your little man and want the very best for him.
Love ya heaps xxx
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